I have written a new book titled, Reflections on Happiness: In a Broken and Chaotic World. Below is an essay on gratitude, taken from the book.

It is now available for pre-order on Amazon.

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Psychologist Robert Emmons, who has spent nearly his entire career studying gratitude, has found that few things in life are as integral to our well-being. Countless other studies have shown that consistently grateful people are more energetic, emotionally intelligent, forgiving, and less likely to be depressed, anxious, or lonely. And it’s not that people are only grateful because they are happier, either; gratitude has proven to be a significant cause of positive out­comes. When researchers pick random volunteers and train them to be more grateful over a period of a few weeks, they become happier and more optimistic, feel more socially con­nected, enjoy better quality sleep, and even experience fewer headaches than control groups.

It is important for us to understand that gratitude is a thankful appreciation for something of value that you did not create, something that has a source outside of yourself. When you understand that the blessings of life come from a source outside yourself, you should also recognize that they did not come from you.

However, this is our problem. We want to take all the credit for what we do and what we accomplish. This is the heart of pride and arrogance. And it comes naturally to us.

I love the true story told by Stephen K. Scott in his book, The Richest Man Who Ever Lived. Scott says:

My former church pastor, Dr. Jim Borror, while visiting a church in the Northwest, was asked by a woman to meet with her husband, a multimillionaire entrepreneur with thousands of employees. Although this man had tens of millions of dollars and everything money could buy, he was unhappy, bitter, and cantankerous. No one liked being around him, and contention and strife fol­lowed him wherever he went. He was disliked by his employees and even his children. His wife barely toler­ated him.

When he met the man, Dr. Borror listened to him talk about his accomplishments and quickly realized that pride ruled this man’s heart and mind. He claimed he had single-handedly built his company from scratch. Even his parents hadn’t given him a dime. He had worked his way through college.

Jim said, “So you did everything by yourself.”

“Yep,” the man replied.

Jim repeated, “No one ever gave you anything.”

“Nothing!”

So, Jim asked, “Who changed your diapers? Who fed you as a baby? Who taught you how to read and write? Who gave you jobs that enabled you to work your way through college? Who gave you your first job after college? Who serves food in your company’s cafeteria? Who cleans the toilets in your company’s re­strooms?” The man hung his head in shame. Moments later, with tears in his eyes, he said, “Now that I think about it, I haven’t accomplished anything by myself. Without the kindness and efforts of others, I probably wouldn’t have anything.” Jim nodded and asked, “Don’t you think they deserve a little thanks?”

That man’s heart was transformed, seemingly over­night. In the months that followed, he wrote thank-you letters to every person he could think of who had made a contribution to his life. He wrote thank-you notes to every one of his 3,000 employees. He not only felt a deep sense of gratitude, but he also began to treat ev­eryone around him with respect and appreciation.

When Dr. Borror visited him a year or two later, he could hardly recognize him. Happiness and peace had replaced the anger and contention in his heart. He looked years younger. His employees loved him for treating them with the honor and respect that true hu­mility engenders.

This is a picture of a wealthy, miserable man who took the credit for all the success in his life. Not only was he miserable, but no one, even his family mem­bers, could tolerate him. After being confronted by Dr. Borror, his life was transformed. He became grateful to everyone who contributed to his life and success. Not only did this impact his relationship with others, but it changed him.

If you are truly going to cultivate a grateful heart, you are going to have to be intentional about it. It is something you must plan to do every day. Author Henri Nouwen said:

In the past I always thought of gratitude as a sponta­neous response to the awareness of gifts received, but now I realize that gratitude can also be lived as a disci­pline. The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.

Every morning, I spend the first ten to fifteen minutes of the day giving thanks to God. I start by acknowledging all that I am and all that I have is a gift from Him, and that I am grateful. I thank Him for the gift of life and a new day. I thank Him for my health and for keeping me in this life. I thank Him for my wife and children. I thank Him for the other relationships He has blessed me with. I thank Him for our home and the financial resources He has provided us with. I thank Him for the work He has called me to do and the talents and abilities He has blessed me with. I give thanks for all the spiritual blessings of life. Finally, I end by thanking Him for the incredible difference He has made in my life. Where would I be without Him?

Several years ago, as I was doing research on thanksgiving and gratitude, I discovered two articles that presented sound arguments on how gratitude has such a powerful impact on our lives. The first article was from Psychology Today and was entitled “How Gratitude Influences Loving Behavior.” The second was from The Wall Street Journal and was entitled “Thanksgiving and Gratitude: The Science of Happier Holi­days.” The authors of these pieces relied on scientific research to come to their conclusions. What we learn from them is:

1. Gratitude is the foundation of satisfying rela­tionships. There is nothing more deadly than when people in a love relationship feel taken for granted.
2. Gratitude expresses appreciation. Human interac­tion flourishes when people feel appreciated.
3. People who are the most materialistic in our cul­ture are very ungrateful and extremely unhappy. The relationship between materialism and grat­itude runs in the opposite direction. Ungrateful people are clearly unhappy people.
4. Gratitude acknowledges all the great benefits of life and enables us to savor all that is good in our lives.
5. Finally, and it should come as no surprise, a thankful heart is associated with a number of positive health benefits. Grateful people have stronger immune systems, report fewer symptoms of illness, and enjoy a better quality of sleep. They are also less reactive to stressful events.

Thanksgiving begins with the recognition of who really de­serves the credit and glory for what we do. It is most pleas­ing to God, but it also does something to us. It is life-giving and transformative.

Dr. Martin Seligman says in his book Flourish, “Grati­tude can make your life happier and more satisfying.”

Richard E Simmons III is the founder and Executive Director of The Center for Executive Leadership and a best-selling author. Richard’s new book, Reflections on Happiness: In a Broken and Chaotic World is available for pre-order on Amazon.