My wife Holly and I are fast approaching our 30^th anniversary of marriage. Thirty years seems like a long time, yet I can remember our wedding day as if it were yesterday. We both agree if we could go back thirty years, we would do it all over again.

However, that does not mean we have not had our ups and downs along the way. I recently read that marriage is glorious but hard. And though it is hard there is no relationship between human beings that is greater or more important than marriage. Next to our relationship with God, marriage is the most profound relationship there is. Yet coming to know and love your spouse is rewarding and wonderous, it can also be difficult and painful.

In his book, The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller says:

As a pastor I have spoken to thousands of couples, some working on marriage-seeking, some working on marriage-sustaining, and some working on marriage-saving. I’ve heard them say over and over, “Love shouldn’t be this hard; it should come naturally.” [. . .] The Christian answer to this is that no two people are compatible.

The reason is because we are all sinful, flawed, and selfish people. Yet we enter marriage with the belief that it is the primary institution of personal fulfillment that leads to a happy life. Therefore, many couples are perplexed and disappointed when they enter marriage and find it to be so difficult.

Keller says marriage brings you into more intense proximity to another human being than any other relationship can. Over time, you will find that you and your spouse will begin to change. But what type of person will they become?

I remember when Holly and I were dating and engaged, we always tried to put our best foot forward. We sought to never say anything that might upset or anger the other person. All was great until we got married. We then found ourselves being much more direct and confrontational. I think we initially were perplexed over what was happening between us. Over time we began to accept each other and we truly got to know one another. Over time, in addition to loving each other, we began to really like each other.

When you consider marrying someone, it is critical that they be spiritually grounded and a person of strong character who you can completely trust. This must be foundational. Otherwise you may not know who your spouse will become as your relationship matures and grows.

Richard E Simmons III is the founder and Executive Director of The Center for Executive Leadership and a best-selling author.