In the year 2000, there were fifty books published on the issue of happiness. In 2008 that number had skyrocketed to 4000. What has happened? Throughout human history people have been intrigued by the concept of happiness. But something has changed.

In the last twenty years, Time Magazine has had three cover stories on the pursuit of happiness. In each of these articles they were not examining how happy we have become, but on the increase in unhappiness and depression.

In one of the articles, Geoffrey Cowley quoted Hope College psychologist David Myers who says “In America, real income has doubled since 1960. We are twice as likely to own cars, air conditioners, and clothes dryers, twice as likely to eat out on any given night. Yet our divorce rate has doubled, teen suicide has tripled, and depression has increased ten-fold.”

I think what is so puzzling to people is that since the end of World War II in 1945, our economic well-being as a nation has skyrocketed upward, while our emotional, mental, and psychological well-being has plummeted. That seems to defy logic but is clearly true.

Furthermore, I believe that the rise in unhappiness and depression is far greater than the reported statistics. I had a professional counselor tell me that he is convinced that the rate of depression is under reported because so many people, particularly men, will not come out of the closet and admit they are depressed. There seems to be a lot of shame around mental health issues. From the work I do with men, I believe this is true.

Modern men have become convinced that in order to be a real authentic man, you should never show any weaknesses. Real men are not fearful, they are never down, and by all means, real men never get depressed. It would be a betrayal of their male identity. So, I do believe from my experience in counselling men, there are so many who hide themselves from the world, and therefore never deal with their mental health problems.

I believe this is also true when it comes to the issue of happiness. If in fact Williams James is right when he says happiness is “the ultimate human end in every time and place,” then who wants to admit they are so unhappy. It is like admitting that you have failed at life.

We have become convinced that we must create a public persona that “my life is successful,” and “I am a very happy person.” This can create a very lonely and painful existence as we try to create an image of happiness that we feel we must display to the world.

If you ask someone point blank if they are happy, they very well might lie to you and tell you they are, when in fact they are very unhappy people. Their image is more important than speaking the truth.

In her wonderful book, The Power of Meaning, Emily Esfahani Smith says “There is a major problem with the happiness frenzy: it has failed to deliver on its promise. Though the happiness industry continues to grow, as a society, we’re more miserable than ever. Indeed, social scientists have uncovered a sad irony – chasing happiness actually makes people unhappy.”

I believe we have it all wrong. We seem to believe that happiness needs to be pursued, and that it will come from certain pleasures, material possessions, or accomplishments. These might initially create great delight and bring a sense of well-being into our lives, but there is no permanence to it. It fades rather quickly. And once this reality sets in, over time life can become rather empty.

What I had discovered is that happiness is a by-product of living wisely. It comes from a life well lived. It is also to have a perspective that is rooted in the truth. In order to find true happiness, you must understand how life works.

Richard E Simmons III is the founder and Executive Director of The Center for Executive Leadership and a best-selling author.